While in this endless state of quarantine, unless you haven't mastered the scroll of Instagram, laughed your ass off at all of the millions of people on Tik Tok, seen a TV commercial, or just plain opened your ears, you have more than likely heard the song that is the title of my blog. You are also more than likely living out this scenario and getting ready to hunker down for another episode of what we all are getting ready to know as Quarantine 2.0 - The Sequel.
I think the pandemic we are really all struggling with right now is online shopping due to boredom. And, I don't know about y'all, but my fucking Amazon delivery dude HATES me. Like legit - he doesn't even come to the door to deliver my shit anymore. I can hear the music blasting from his van from like 10 houses down and I'm pretty sure he just slows his roll as he passes my house, spits on my packages and chucks them out of his window onto my porch as he flips me the bird. I have become so good at being quarantined that I have added "professional multitasker" onto my resume and elaborated that I can "snuggle my pup/drink coffee/watch and yell at the Bachelorette/AND shop for toilet paper on Amazon Prime" at the same time. I could NOT do those things simultaneously 9 months ago. If that doesn't boost my usability in the workplace than maybe I can get hired to be a personal assistant for one of those Kardashian sisters. Those bitches always want you doing multiple stupid things at the same time. And can we talk about Zoom/Facetime/Team meetings for a hot minute? These mother fuckers have become the mullets of social interaction. Business on top with our blouse, ties and mascara, and party on the bottom with our boxer briefs and Sunday sweats on a Wednesday. I can't with this. I am so sick of seeing the people I love and not being able to smack them upside the head when they say something stupid like, "I think it's great that Khloe and Tristan were able to make it work for their family" or "The Bachelorette is totally a legit way to find true love". If the world would just be like me and marinate in their favorite sweats, watch The Queens Gambit on Netflix, drink their body weight in coffee and take copious naps and WEAR A FUCKING MASK when you absolutely have to go out, we might actually be able to exist like the idiotic, non-functioning members of society that we were circa 2019. To pass the time while I wait for the world to either wisen up or end, I have taken to learning photography. I have always loved taking pictures but doing so with my iPhone isn't nearly as fun and taking them with the Nikon D40 that my daughter's boyfriend gifted to me. It's so amazing to see how much different things look through the lens of a camera and how beautiful you can make them look through editing. Plus, when I am busy learning a hobby I am less inclined to planning murder plots for all the people I see on Facebook living their lives as if we aren't currently in a pandemic. Because as we all know - Hobbies = Good. Murder = Bad. It's all about balance. That is my rant for the day because I have coffee to drink, pictures to take, Netflix shows to (re)watch, Zoom meetings to plan for and murders to pl....I mean naps to take. Stay safe, wash your hands and your sweatpants, and don't forget to tell someone you love them. 'Till next time.....
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AuthorSarcasm is as much my defense mechanism as it my truth. I am unabashedly honest, I live my life off-script and I make no apologies for my crass humor. So, sit back, grab a bottle (or two) of your favorite wine and settle in for a few good laughs, a little TMI and some unwanted life advice. You're welcome. Archives
April 2023
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