What is true joy? And why does someone else's joy affect someone else's misery? These are questions I ask myself daily lately.
I don't think I ever knew what true happiness was, aside from the happiness I got from being a mom and watching my kids grow up and accomplish their own true happiness. That is the only time I can remember in my life when I felt this kind of internal peace. That is the only time my heart felt this full, this quiet, this satiated with love and light and positive energy. And, it isn't just my heart that feels full, it's that for the first time in my life I feel totally free. Free to make my own decisions, to be unapologetically me, to love and to be loved without conditions, to set boundaries with people and not make concessions, to be selflessly selfish when it comes to my time and my limits, to do what feels right and say no to what doesn't, and to take the risk when it feels right and walk away when it doesn't serve me. My soul feels blissfully at peace with my heart, and I can honestly say that is a calm that I have never experienced before. It allows me to love better, to be kinder, to feel more deeply, to listen more intently, to speak with more purpose, and to not be afraid to let my guard down, because I know what feels safe and what doesn't. I am more self aware, more self confident, and filled with so much gratitude for the life I get to live every single day. And more than anything, I am beyond blessed to be loved. I am loved by so many people who love me in so many different ways, and their love has helped heal me. It feeds my soul and it has empowered me when I was at my weakest. I am blessed everyday to be loved and supported and cared for by these amazing people even if it's just in the form of a funny text message or a silly Tik Tok, and I know that even if I don't hear from them for a thousand lifetimes, if I call them they will pick up and come running when I need them. My life has been a comedy of errors, but it's still a life worth living. If all of the things that have torn me down hadn't happened over the last 48 years, I wouldn't have had the last year and a half to build myself back up. This second act of mine is going to be the best chapter yet, I just know it. I will never allow anyone or anything to steal my shine again. Every day I wake up and before the day has even begun, I CHOOSE happiness, I CHOOSE to embrace the day no matter what it brings, I CHOOSE to accept all of life's challenges and its chaos. I choose these things because as long as I get to make these choices, as long as these things are still within my control, it means I am still living, and life is a beautiful thing if you embrace it.
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AuthorSarcasm is as much my defense mechanism as it my truth. I am unabashedly honest, I live my life off-script and I make no apologies for my crass humor. So, sit back, grab a bottle (or two) of your favorite wine and settle in for a few good laughs, a little TMI and some unwanted life advice. You're welcome. Archives
April 2023
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